[An unedited page from my journal.]
It is December first.
I am in my third bath of the day. The first, a hairwash before work. The second, an editing session. This time with two tea candles lit, writing with a pen I stole from Devin’s apartment because I think it is romantic.
It is his favorite color, and he is my favorite.
It has been hard. I have grown comfortable with my job. For the most part, I still deal with a little anxiety (Sunday nights mostly), but the Lord is good and gives me strength and peace and joy.
And yet, all the while, the dream in my heart grows. Wild and big. My passion for taking photos is fanned. Ablaze. My love for people. Man, I love it.
I shot a birthday party for a 90 year old this weekend. My heart is beating faster right now as I think about it. I was booked for two hours. I remember after two and a half hours, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
It is a season of sowing. A season of gathering. Growing. Learning. Love. Romance. A grind. Hustle. Of thirst and hunger.
I work so much. When I am not at work, I am working on photos or videos or taking them. The left over time I spend in Devin’s arms, in the presence of family, and the laughter of my family I call friends.
I am so grateful for this. This life is so beautiful for He has made it so.
Sometimes I am so tired. But at the same time, it all gives me life. Feeling the tip of this pen sweep across the pages of this notebook enthralls me.
Jesus, thank you for sustaining me. Fueling me.
I always want to be hungry. Desperate. Oh Lord, keep me hungry. Keep my heart seeking. I want to be desperate for you alone.
So I have been missing in action. Why? Because I got to busy too keep up with my perfectionist ideals of what I wanted this blog to be. So tonight, I decided to put an end to that by sharing this with you all.
What does it mean? For you, I mean.
Well, in the theme of tonight post I wanted to share come candid thoughts and things the Lord has been teaching me.
- My emotions and thoughts don't control me. I control them. The same goes for you.
- If you want to take control of those things, you have to stop praying and wishing they would change and speak to them directly with the authority of Jesus.
- Whip cream on top of your coffee and catching a whiff of your favorite perfume on your wrist throughout the work day really matter (especially on Mondays).
- The enemy will do anything to make you believe you are not equipped to be where God has called you to.
- You are equipped because of who you are. Who are you? All the Lord says you are. Who is that? Read your bible.
- You will learn as much as you allow yourself to be taught.
I hope this all means something.
I seriously love you all.
Here is a little of what I have been working on lately. (P.S this is my Dad and Stepmom. My little brother Owen is due in January. <3 )